At a time when my daughter, Makayla, needed me the most, I lacked what I needed to be the BEST first responder I could be for her.
You see, Makayla was was born with heart disease; Complete (3rd Degree) Heart Block. She went through several pacemakers throughout her life: Her 1st at 3 days old, 2nd at 3 years, a 3rd at 6. She then received an LVAD for several months before receiving a heart transplant when she was 7.  Then, unexpectedly and without ever discovering the cause, Makayla required another pacemaker; This one needing to be placed on her transplanted heart, as it was diagnosed with 1st and 2nd degree heart block; It was unheard of in the medical community and we never got answers as to how this happened.
She was 11; This was a year before we lost her. 
When that dark day arrived, we were at home. She was resting from an early morning heart catherization she had just endured, a procedure we'd faced many times before.

Everything seemingly normal and uneventful as expected; But things changed drastically and so quickly.
In my heart, I know I gave Makayla everything I had in me to save her...She knows I did! 
I tried my hardest with the skills and knowledge I possessed at the time...
But it wasn’t enough!
I had not been CPR trained in over 5 years. We did not have a AED in our home. These are vital life saving skills that when utilized properly, can increase chances of survival by nearly double!
This will always leave me wondering...What If….?
While I know I cannot live in the 'what ifs' and regrets of the past, I can learn from them and use those lessons to help others.
Through processing my grief and looking back at what those 12 years with Makayla were, finding purpose in helping other parents and caretakers of children like her avoid this path I walk, brings a little light back into the world that went so dim that evening we were forced to say goodbye too soon.
Back in September 2015, another family walked this similar path. Through their darkness, they chose light. It was the family of a 12 year old boy named Jacob, and through their loss, they chose to give life; They chose organ donation and their decision gifted Makayla a new heart and us 1,747 more days to have, to hold and to love on her. 
When so many parents beg for just one more day, we were gifted so many….
And though it’ll never be enough, the time we were gifted is one gift that could never be repaid.
So instead, I'll pay-it-forward.
Jacob's family finding purpose in creating something beautiful out of something unimaginably painful inspires me to do the same for others.
Be the light you wish to see in the world!